what makes a behavior addictive?

Are you wondering if one or more of your behaviors might be considered “addictive”? If you resonate with all four of the characteristics below, it’s possible you’re relying on a specific behavior or process to manage stress, emotional pain, or dysregulation.

The 4 C’s of Addiction:

• Cravings – A powerful feeling of desire that lessens or disappears once you engage in the behavior.

• Compulsion – An irresistible urge to act in a certain way, even when it goes against your values or conscious intentions.

• Loss of Control – A diminished ability to choose or direct your behavior.

• Consequences – Negative outcomes or effects that result from the behavior.

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These markers are not about judgment—they’re signals. Signals that something deeper is asking for your attention, your compassion, and ultimately, your healing.

My Story: From Chaos to Clarity

I made the decision to get clean and sober on July 4th, 25 years ago. But the path to that moment was far from linear. For nine months, I bargained with myself, tried various methods, lied to others—and to myself. I was stuck in a cycle of chronic relapse, and with each failure, my self-worth eroded until I rated it at a ‘zero.’

I walked into 12-step meetings pretending to be fine, still hiding my drinking and drug use from those closest to me. Abstinence felt impossible. Desperate for change, I enrolled in a transformational breathwork training program that took me to India and Ireland. I hoped that learning new, healing practices would help me replace chemically induced highs with healthier alternatives.

Three months into the program, I finally found the humility to ask for help and got a sponsor through AA. I thought I was being transparent by giving her a daily rundown of everything I was still using—but after a week, she lovingly but firmly told me she could not continue to support me unless I committed to full abstinence and began working the 12 Steps.

On March 7, 2001—three days after my father passed from a brain tumor—I woke up from a fog of intoxication and made the choice to stop. I stepped out of the sinking boat and onto solid ground. In that moment, I discovered something beautiful: everything around me supported my decision, and everything affirmed my courage.

Today, I live with integrity, aligned with my values. I find joy in simple pleasures, mental clarity, and meaningful relationships. My career as a Core Aliveness Recovery Coach fills me with purpose. I wake with gratitude and go to sleep knowing I have made heart-centered connections throughout the day.

My journey allows me to walk beside others with empathy and strength. I support clients as they assess their behaviors, move out of denial, and take courageous steps toward healing. I encourage them to accept themselves, commit to change, and act in ways that allow them to live fully and love deeply.

If you're wondering whether your behaviors are addictive, start with curiosity—not shame. Healing begins when we stop running and start listening.